Sputlink

No post yesterday due to OFFICIAL BUSINESS.

Links today:

DOC THIS WAY! - NY Post

Another non-specific headline from the details-oriented paper. I mostly wanted to put this up here because the "Health" section is listed under "Entertainment" in the Post.


"Brown Fat" Burns Calories - CNN
Hahahahahaha. Here are the story highlights:

- Special kind of fat, brown fat, burns calories in cold weather
- Research showed adults retain brown fat on their bodies
- Drugs may be created to fire up brown fat activity to burn calories faster

I'll say! Hahahaha....brown fat...


Today being my birthday, I've long known that I share this distinction with Omar Sharif and Mandy Moore. Turns out Sean Avery's also in the club, tarnishing our once-fine society.

To be honest, though, a lotta douchey things have happened on my birthday...bombings, plane crashes, submarine accidents. So I guess Avery might fit in well. Meh.

Official State Jerkoff

In case you don't follow the news, a group of Ohio students recently got the state legislature to name the tomato as the state fruit.

Admirable effort, I thought. It led me to look at this further and see what other states have as their official food.

There are some notable entries to laud: Boston Creme Donut as Massachusetts's state donut and Jell-O as Utah's state snack food. There are also some points of contention: several blueberry, peach and apple entries for state fruit, for example. All have valid claims.

However, there's one state that clearly knows how to spoil a party when it sees it: Oklahoma.

They have a state fruit and vegetable...and the state menu item. Actually, scratch that - state menu items. To top it off, I cry foul on every single "menu item" they list:
- barbecue pork
- chicken fried steak
- sausage (huh?)
- biscuits and gravy
- fried okra
- squash
- grits
- corn
- black-eyed peas
- cornbread
- pecan pie

They can't be serious. Corn?? You can't lay claim to corn. Besides, how does it not get labeled under state vegetable?

Why would Oklahoma want to lay claim to these foods as Oklahoma state menu items? What an asshole move. It would appear that Southern states agree, having ignored this foolish broadside by neglecting to carry a "menu item" category themselves.

Oklahoma's official state "Other State's Shellfish"

And while it would appear they've listed just about every major Southern food, why would they leave out fried chicken? To claim innocence of all-out culinary thievery? Maybe they told Iowa they could have it, instead. Or perhaps the state menu ran out of room.

How could they ruin the spirit of state foods? Obama should get on this.

A Poor Shoeing

Remember the octo-craze? Well, that's old bananas now. Enter the flying shoe.

With a forceful flick of his wrist, Muntadar al-Zaidi changed the landscape of the pop culture cliche. What may have once been a strong political statement is now fodder for the unoriginal upstarts of the world.

In case you want to catch up on your airborne-footwear stories, glance at this laundry list.

That's pathetic. If you're angry enough for your cause to warrant losing shoes over it, why don't you get your thinking cap on and come up with something original? Shoe soles are obviously insulting in the Arab world - does that make them just as insulting in India? Or France? I'm pretty sure these places have their own insulting imagery that they can chuck at passing dignitaries.

Take the protests in London and Strasbourg over the recent G20 conference. Smashing windows, busting offices, blah blah blah. Though I am grateful no shoes were thrown, this makes for boring and ineffective protesting. Again, can't these people come up with something original? I thought angry liberals were the creative type.

Maybe I'm just wistful for the days when a protest really meant something. Not so much the Paris of '68, but perhaps the Varberg, Sweden of '01. No reason, no copycat method, and open to interpretation. A classy and, quite literally, tasteful protest.

progenitors in the art of political dissent

Really, if everyone started throwing cake or pies, wouldn't that be a promising sign? Nobody's really a fan of hardcore protesters as destroying public property tends to give you a negative image. But a pie in the face? Just imagine if someone had landed a banana cream right in Cheney's mug, circa 2005. Fame, fortune and a light prison sentence await those savvy enough to grasp the open mantle of effective protest.

P.S. - Only related to the above picture: when Photoshop goes too far.

Egeddes!

Sometimes, people just don't comprehend email, especially office email. My workplace has to be reminded about email etiquette on a monthly basis by the management/lawyers, which baffles me.

Some people write disparaging, "private" emails about co-workers, OTHERS WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU CAN SEE WHAT THEY'VE WRITTEN, and some send emails about their new child porn website. All are equally abhorrent in their lack of moral clarity.

Worse than these crimes, however, is something that I have to deal with on a daily basis: themed email backgrounds.

One person I know uses a dark green, pool table-esqe background. They have also correctly deduced that black is the most appropriate color for text visibility. Another person has started using an Anne Geddes theme. Anne Geddes. Think about that.

adding this to any email will add an extra level of clarity

If people are oblivious enough to not realize that office emails are, in fact, property of the company, then I guess throwing all conventions of business decency out the window should be expected. Yes, the workplace can be boring, but emails are not the place for you to convince me that babies in rose-laced baskets and bunny outfits are worthy of my attention.

An associate I know uses a lined-paper background theme. What are you telling me with this carefully chosen setting? That you remember the days of paper? Maybe it's the ironic charm of writing electronic mail on what appears to be paper! Who cares if it obscures and distorts the view of what's been written; the message you've sent with your scurrilous decorum has told me everything I need to know.

Maybe a return to paper wouldn't be so bad. I doubt many people would pay the extra money to have their memo stationary be printed up with some regrettable, seasonal theme that incorporates paper clips and elves.

hideously inappropriate under any circumstances, regardless

There's an immediacy in the e-age that probably leads people to not actually evaluating their office conduct. If you had to spend the time researching, ordering and storing your own stack of themed memo paper, you'd probably realize at some stage that Ziggy was a poor choice. If only you'd have chosen the eggshell white.

Mayor David Linkins

Link day, since I'm morally drained from a haircut gone awry. Though it is kind of nice knowing that I won't need another haircut until Christmas.


Entry on Herbert George Columbine - Wikipedia

Courtesy of the random article feature. His blurb is worth reading about, if only for the one-liner that follows it at the end. What a crappy legacy.


Is God real? Join the Debate! - ABC News

"As Mike Seaver, the oldest son in the smash hit sitcom "Growing Pains," actor Kirk Cameron could make audiences roll with laughter. But now he wants to bring them to the Lord. And he's deadly serious." Hahahahahaha.

But seriously, the only thing that photo convinces me of is Kirk's homosexuality.


20 Moments We Wish Were April Fool's Jokes (photo gallery) - NY Post

The required Post link. I love this gallery and I mean that in the most unironic way. The Post always reminds me of Hooters' slogan - "Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined".

BORING.

If the New York Times ever wanted a reason as to why newspapers are failing, I need only to give them a sight of their own failings:

Downturn Puts New Stresses on Libraries

Huh? I'm supposed to care about this? Out of all the problems plaguing our country right now, especially the ones related to this "great recession", you landed on libraries. What, did you run out of articles on organic bed and breakfasts in rural Catalonia?

I'm not always a fan of the Times, but they've crossed a line. Bill O'Reilly's soul must be spinning in the grave of his own flesh.

he may be poor but he's not library-poor

To make matters worse, it's their number one emailed article for the day. Number one. That means that people have approved of this piece as being worthy enough for their friends and family to read. Really, it's them I pity, not the libraries.

But they do grip me with tense, urban drama...
"What began as bickering took a violent turn when one of the [homeless bums] pulled out a knife and stabbed the other six times, leaving him bleeding beside the book drop."

...and a crippling ennui that only a post-post-modern librarian could know:
"'I guess I’m not really used to people with tears in their eyes,' said Rosalie Bork, a reference librarian in Arlington Heights, a well-to-do suburb of Chicago."

And on top of it all, that lovely Jay Gatsby stopped coming by to peruse the self-help section - or maybe those doll librarians! And how!

Eech.

Which Test Are You?? FIND OUT!!!

My favorite internet fad, in the history of the internet and its fads, has to be the online quiz.

I was speaking with Ms. Wrasslin' the other day about the personality type quiz. When it first came out, some friends of mine were steadfast in supporting its truth, which really gets to the core of online quiz appeal: their accuracy.

Every time, a quiz would pinpoint an aspect of somebody you know. What candy bar are you? A Snickers?? Spot on!! All my friends call me a nut, har har! What member of the A-Team would you be? Murdock!?! Holy crap, I AM Murdock.

I'LL NEVER KNOW!!!

Part of me misses the old days of the internet, when honesty and charm were its primary assets. Well, that and animated gifs.

I'd be remiss if I didn't put up one of these throwback quizzes, so let's roll with this one. Timeless dweeb humor, perfect for the 14-year-old boy spending a lazy Sunday afternoon on Al Gore's brainchild, circa 1998.