Crappy Color Awareness

Another Breast Cancer Awareness season is upon us, leading me to reflect on how a once-noble cause has become the bane of my available color spectrum. Pink is no longer the odd color out in the crayon box or an overpriced men's store - it's cheap business code for "we care. seriously, we care."

I get it, it's pink, you'll donate some of your Chex Mix to help those suffering from this shockingly pervasive disease. But come on, corporate America. You came up with the McGriddle and you're telling me you can't do any better than pink?

There's isn't a disease or cause out there today that isn't color-coded: LiveStrong, Orange Revolutions, the altogether bewildering mix of Autism's colorful wrath. It's been this way for a while, too.

the only cancer that kinda makes me feel bad for looking at boobs

One day, when I was in school years ago, people were handing out white ribbons. I had already taken the appropriately blasé stance towards color-coded causes at this point, so I declined their offer. Was everyone wearing one? Yes. Were they intended to protest the KKK rally nearby? Yes, though I was unaware of that at the time. Regardless, I stand by my choice given the information I had at the time.

Point is, you can't just go with the flow, breast cancer. You're the original upbeat color of suffering! If Wal-Mart and Co. really wanna make bank off of this disease like they should, add some spice to your act. It's like exercising - nobody wanted to do it until someone literally jazzed it up.

My suggestion: red camo. First off, red is much closer to the color of blood than pink is (excluding Star Trek: VI) and blood is a sure-fire way to sell stuff. Secondly, nobody wants to be smeared by Glenn Beck for not supporting the troops and camo anything is the only way to show your authentic, unwavering support for our men and women overseas.

Boom. Cancer solved, money made, everyone's happy.