So my office is insanely awkward. Maybe it's just because I'm one of the youngest people here by a long shot...actually, no - people here are just really awkward.

What's worse is that my cubicle is right next to a main walkway and the walls of my cubicle are about 3 feet high, so anyone that walks past will see me.

Do I say hello to all these coworkers? I'd be happy to, but only a handful actually say hello and sometimes these people don't even recognize my presence. This leads to an incredibly awkward and erratic pattern of me saying hello, people not hearing or ignoring me, people saying hello to me while I'm trying to ignore them, thinking they won't say hello, etc., etc.

I've come upon a solution, however: an automated greeting machine, similar to the Halloween decoration we had when I was a kid that made a six second-long "spooky" noise whenever you walked past. Six seconds is way too long for a MIDI-generated ghost noise.

remove the cheer and beating heart and we've got a deal

If someone walks by my desk now, I could dispense with the meaningless formalities and give them an automatic greeting. Settings could be adjusted for different times of the day, different people, or even changes in the weather! People would no longer feel compelled to awkwardly greet me and I would no longer have to put up with having to guess if people don't like me, don't hear me, or just don't care.

Even better, this could make the situation more awkward than it already is. People would then avoid walking past my cubicle altogether and I would never have to worry about someone seeing the 13 sudoku puzzles I do every day.