Two Birds with One Homeless Man

As I was sitting on the subway today for a couple of lunchtime rides, I encountered a homeless man on both ends of the journey. Upon arriving to each station, the man would state with excellent enunciation what subway-line transfers were available. At 34th street, he noted with a musical flourish that a connection was also available for PATH trains to New Jersey.

At a time when the MTA could not be further from the top of the "list of things I'm pleased to pay money for", a new answer dawned on me: why can't the homeless run the MTA?

Points to be made:
- The homeless do not require state-draining pension plans
- They obviously know the city like the back of their unkempt hands
- 24-hour service is no problem
- Homeless people are more likeable than the MTA
- They live in the subway, as it is
- We would all feel less guilty about ignoring them
- Urine smell would be less disconcerting

get off that bench - and into our hearts!

Most importantly, I can never understand a god-damned word over the P.A. system in the subway. This homeless man's voice, and delightfully intoned touch at the end, could not have been clearer. Think about it; all homeless people do is make announcements all day. Why not steer their vocal training away from street corners towards a less annoying and more productive endeavor?

To be honest, I bet an assembly of homeless people could do a better job with the state senate, too, but I'll stick with the subway for now.