The Nose Knows

I've always somewhat ignored the special-services dogs, the ones that lead the blind or sniff for drugs. Kinda cool, yeah, but so what?

Well what if a dog could perform a much more obscure task with 100% precision? Maybe a task like...smelling for peanuts?

Ignoring this child's genetic predisposition for an early death, a peanut-sniffing dog sounds effin' sweet. Not so much that it can detect peanuts, per se, but that a dog can be trained to catch the faintest trace of any scent - even comical ones.

Immediately a fart dog comes to mind. Odd smell always hit the elevator on the way to the 25th floor? Your nose may be in disgust but your sensibilities will surely be at ease when your pooch discovers and summarily embarrasses the culprit. Ron in I.T. - you have been called out!

Devout Dog can smell a non-believer right away

This begs the question of what kind of reaction you'd want from the dog; would fart dog bark at the offender or assume a "pointer" position? Part of this is what the proper warning effect should be (to alert? to annoy?) though it also depends on what the dog's purpose is. To get a sense of things, let's examine


OLFACTORY-TRAINED DOG CATEGORIZATION

Dog: Boston Terrier
Scent Detection: Fancy pants
Warning: Immediate urination on perpetrator

Dog: Beagle
Scent Detection: Vegan Human
Warning: Vigorous humping of leg (undefined)

Dog: Pitbull
Scent Detection: Cheetos dust
Warning: Vicious mauling

Dog: Coon Hound
Scent Detection: The Blues
Warning: Soulful howl


More importantly, I can't believe that Disney hasn't made a live-action movie out of these animals - SNIFF TO THE RESCUE practically writes itself. Want a hint? Potsy (the opportunistic pug with a nose for robots and trouble!) will be voiced by Jason Alexander. You're welcome, Hollywood.

Ja Ja Ja

Hopefully you heard last week about some Burger King ads in Spain for the new Texican Burger. The commotion was over the characters in this campaign: a strong, hearty cowboy and a midget Mexican wearing a luchador mask and a poncho designed like the Mexican flag.

Evidently most of this wasn't offensive but the flag part was, so the Mexican embassy requested BK to stop the ads. A pity, because this is a hilarious trope that should be more greatly exploited.

united by fate and cultural hegemony

Anyways, I thought I had gathered enough on the story from the initial blurb until I read this today:

"A TV version of the ad shows the strapping cowboy and the
pint-sized Mexican wrestler -- nicknamed 'Just a Little Bit' -- living together as roommates. At one point, the American lifts up the Mexican to help him put a trophy on a high shelf."

Paternalistic, yet topical, with a dash of heartfelt camaraderie. Also, that guy's name is Just a Little Bit. Classic. I have grossly underestimated the Spanish advertising market. Europe may be shockingly xenophobic but it's worked out for the common good this time.

It does make me wonder - how many multinational companies are getting away with comically racist ad campaigns away from their home country? And how can I see these ads?

Simple Pleasures

So I joke around in the office with this one guy. Sometimes it's about the foam peanut on my desk that was spitefully torn in two by a co-worker. Other times, suicide. Ours is a true workplace bond.

I'm filling up my desk mug with water from the kitchen today around lunchtime. Many people are eating in the kitchen. My friend is there, sitting at a table with a couple people.

Me: "What's up, champ."
Friend: "I got the bullet right here, man. Lemme know when you wanna do this thing."
Me: "Word."
Friend: *goes back to leafing through lingerie catalog


He knows what time it is.

Tea Party Pooper

In case you're wondering what conservatives have been up to these days, take an e-stroll to the land of fair and balanced news to find out: historical re-enactments!

Surprisingly, Fox is the only news source that's treating these Tea-Tax events seriously enough - Glenn Beck is reporting from the Alamo today, BTW - to warrant much coverage. As my legitimacy as a news source is more credible, I have chosen otherwise.

For starters, their HQ website is a little plain for such an exciting event. I feel led to point out, however, that your movement may be in trouble when your top-listed PR weapon is Pajamas TV.

They do give some good tips, like avoiding or uncovering those left-wing nutjobs masquerading as "newsie posers" who want to scuttle your tea party. As they wisely advise, "Beware such chicanery today."

Glenn Beck (2nd from left) prefers one lump, not two

Their homemade protest signs are pretty lackluster, too. Some half-hearted gems: "OUR GOVT OAFS FORGOT THEIR OATHS" and "PARTY LIKE IT'S 1773". If you really want to party like it's 1773, you should ask Bob Dole who, coincidentally, was a government oaf. Checkmate.

Mostly, though, it's perplexing why they would choose now to so vociferously protest taxes. Maybe they're unaware that Americans currently have more positive views about their federal taxes than at almost any time since 1956. Most likely, however, they're probably looking to legitimize teabagging as a social phenomenon. This I do support.

E-Gorging

Whether by mistake or on purpose, when lunchtime rolls around at work I'm usually reading about food on the internet.

My recent obsession has pushed this to new heights, however - I can't stop reading the user-submitted recipe corner. Especially the ones where someone asks about a long-forgotten recipe. It's like a mystery, but delicious!!!

To wit: my past 20 minutes.

Jessica Fletcher...always on the snoop for a great family meal!

Maybe I'm going overboard. The company can't be thrilled that I'm poking around on Food Goddess or any other polytheistic meal site. Yet...I can't stop... Opulent Chicken???? I HAVE TO FIND OPULENT CHICKEN.

Sputlink

No post yesterday due to OFFICIAL BUSINESS.

Links today:

DOC THIS WAY! - NY Post

Another non-specific headline from the details-oriented paper. I mostly wanted to put this up here because the "Health" section is listed under "Entertainment" in the Post.


"Brown Fat" Burns Calories - CNN
Hahahahahaha. Here are the story highlights:

- Special kind of fat, brown fat, burns calories in cold weather
- Research showed adults retain brown fat on their bodies
- Drugs may be created to fire up brown fat activity to burn calories faster

I'll say! Hahahaha....brown fat...


Today being my birthday, I've long known that I share this distinction with Omar Sharif and Mandy Moore. Turns out Sean Avery's also in the club, tarnishing our once-fine society.

To be honest, though, a lotta douchey things have happened on my birthday...bombings, plane crashes, submarine accidents. So I guess Avery might fit in well. Meh.

Official State Jerkoff

In case you don't follow the news, a group of Ohio students recently got the state legislature to name the tomato as the state fruit.

Admirable effort, I thought. It led me to look at this further and see what other states have as their official food.

There are some notable entries to laud: Boston Creme Donut as Massachusetts's state donut and Jell-O as Utah's state snack food. There are also some points of contention: several blueberry, peach and apple entries for state fruit, for example. All have valid claims.

However, there's one state that clearly knows how to spoil a party when it sees it: Oklahoma.

They have a state fruit and vegetable...and the state menu item. Actually, scratch that - state menu items. To top it off, I cry foul on every single "menu item" they list:
- barbecue pork
- chicken fried steak
- sausage (huh?)
- biscuits and gravy
- fried okra
- squash
- grits
- corn
- black-eyed peas
- cornbread
- pecan pie

They can't be serious. Corn?? You can't lay claim to corn. Besides, how does it not get labeled under state vegetable?

Why would Oklahoma want to lay claim to these foods as Oklahoma state menu items? What an asshole move. It would appear that Southern states agree, having ignored this foolish broadside by neglecting to carry a "menu item" category themselves.

Oklahoma's official state "Other State's Shellfish"

And while it would appear they've listed just about every major Southern food, why would they leave out fried chicken? To claim innocence of all-out culinary thievery? Maybe they told Iowa they could have it, instead. Or perhaps the state menu ran out of room.

How could they ruin the spirit of state foods? Obama should get on this.