Over the course of my internet perusal, I've come to appreciate the best part of online articles - the comment section.
They're delightfully pointless. In a utopian world, fascinating insight could be gleaned in mass-wiki fashion, each commenter providing their informative slice of specialization.
This never happens, of course, because this is the internet, not Hogwart's. As such, I have noticed two main kinds of comments.
Type A: The Tête-à-Tête of Herculean Minds
See: any piece on a sports/political-themed website. An article, in this case, either hates on or loves your position - you will surely meet core meltdown if you do not comment! Your foes will comment, inevitably with poor syntax and rageful e-acronyms/puns! You must reply with more rage/puns and poor syntax!!
The internet, circa 1791.I did a Google news search today for Terry Schiavo, our generation's less sexy Karen Ann Quinlan. This being America, there's fresh news on her, this time involving Keith Olberman. What do the people have to say?:
"January 23, 2009 - 07:05 ET by BobAnthony
Proves why I prefer the Washington Times over the NY SLIMES!
Oh and to BLOWBERMAN, THE NOTION THAT A MAN WHO CAN BE THAT MENTALLY DISTURBED COMING FROM THE WOMB OF A WOMAN IS BEYOND ME! DIE BLOWBERMAN YOU JACKASS DIE! I HATE YOU!"
Oh and to BLOWBERMAN, THE NOTION THAT A MAN WHO CAN BE THAT MENTALLY DISTURBED COMING FROM THE WOMB OF A WOMAN IS BEYOND ME! DIE BLOWBERMAN YOU JACKASS DIE! I HATE YOU!"
Is our friend unaware that, due to sharing the exact same name as its rival, the Washington Times is similarly exposed to his quick-witted pun?
Checkmate, Bob.
Type B: "My comment will trump all the other comments through brute length"
I can't think of a less comment-worthy article than this piece, about that woman who had octuplets in California. Then again, I can think of few articles in need of commenting.
But someone out there knows this story deserves a comment. Someone with a really good point. Someone like...
"Posted by:norm15002000 10:25 AM
Well, why don't we all wish the family well on this rare occasion? Some of the best adults grew up in a large family.I think the cost scenario provided was the highest possible. Large families do not necessarily have higher housing or transportation costs. Yes, the first few years will be difficult, but as the children grow you can bet they will all have chores that must be done to keep the family financially stable. The kids will learn responsibility, teamwork, and sharing. I learned that form a friend who came from a family of seven. I can claim to be an expert on the subject simply because I have never had children.I do hope that the father has a good job, because mom is going to be very busy in the next five or ten years. IMO, they deserve some freebies. Octuplets is not just another birth, it is an occasion."
Well, why don't we all wish the family well on this rare occasion? Some of the best adults grew up in a large family.I think the cost scenario provided was the highest possible. Large families do not necessarily have higher housing or transportation costs. Yes, the first few years will be difficult, but as the children grow you can bet they will all have chores that must be done to keep the family financially stable. The kids will learn responsibility, teamwork, and sharing. I learned that form a friend who came from a family of seven. I can claim to be an expert on the subject simply because I have never had children.I do hope that the father has a good job, because mom is going to be very busy in the next five or ten years. IMO, they deserve some freebies. Octuplets is not just another birth, it is an occasion."
Unassailable logic is Norm's specialty. Go get 'em Norm! And say hi to your brother, norm15001999, for me.
Who are these people? Do they actually exist? It's obvious they don't share my contempt of typos, but they still retain that down-home charm.
Point conceded, internet. I can't not read this.
"I do hope the Man in the Family is a good breadwinner and knows that it's his job and his job alone to provide for his helpless children and wife. Wifey is gonna be tired caring singlehandedly for eight children as she is a member of the weaker sex, and the next 5 or ten years of her life are going to be devoted to nothing but milk production and laundry, but as these are her only reasons for being alive, she will hopefully not complain too much to her Lord and Master."
ReplyDeleteand yes, I just commented on this post condemning commenting.