Friends, the heavens have smiled upon us, for today is a day of hilarious news.
First up to bat, a horrible action rendered ridiculous by its perp and setting. Sorry to make light of such a hideous event, but, really...:
Three Die in Belgian Child Care Center Attack
DENDERMONDE, Belgium - "A man with a white painted face and blackened eyes fatally stabbed two infants and a woman at a child care center in western Belgium on Friday before cycling away."
Sacré bleu! Maybe they can trace the beret to the killer! When he's caught, do they lock him in an invisible box? And if a mime commits a crime, does the victim make a sound?
If any place is vulnerable to mime-terrorism, it's Belgium. But the getaway vehicle? Just over the top. What next? - witnesses report the tall, thin assailant to be wearing a black-and-white striped shirt? Even my stereotypes only go so far. Poor taste, monsieur!
No Snickering: That Road Sign Means Something Else
CRAPSTONE, England - "In the scale of embarrassing place names, Crapstone ranks pretty high. But Britain is full of them...These include Crotch Crescent, Oxford; Titty Ho, Northamptonshire; Wetwang, East Yorkshire; Slutshole Lane, Norfolk; and Thong, Kent."
But, oh - it gets better!!
"As for Penistone...“It’s pronounced ‘PENNIS-tun,’ ” Fiona Moran, manager of the Old Vicarage Hotel in Penistone, said over the telephone, rather sharply. When forced to spell her address for outsiders, she uses misdirection, separating the tricky section into two blameless parts: 'p-e-n' — pause — 'i-s-t-o-n-e.'"
It's times like these I couldn't be prouder of our country's WASPy heritage. Anyways, this book's been written on places in Britain with sophomoric names. The authors, one of whom "grew up on Tumbledown Dick Road," were inspired "when they read about a couple who bought a house on Butt Hole Road, in South Yorkshire."
Bless you, gentlemen. Bless you. And in the New York Times, of all places.
Democrats to Advance Stimulus Package
That's what she said.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - "...That package is designed to spur job creation and stem the economy's decline with a massive boost of taxpayer support..."
And that's what she said.
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