A Presidential Appeal: American Productivity

Mr. President, it's been recently said that American workers are the most productive in the world. That's great and all, but it's hard to say that that's gotten us very far.

It's high time you rally the American people to a cause that everyone can get behind: office naps.

I'm not asking for the lengthy siesta as it exists in the Spanish-speaking world. Everyone knows the bad rap Mexico's gotten for the simple crime of wanting some shady tree and a wide-brimmed hat with which to catch a few Z's.

poor advice, circa 2009

All I want is for you to officially sanction naptime in the office; if I nap now, I'm guaranteed persecution. I don't want to be judged. Or fired. I just want 20 minutes to lay out under my desk, wrapped in the warmth and glow of my IBM ThinkCentre. That can't be too much to ask.

With your official stamp of approval on this, productivity could rise. Your legacy in history could be better secured, too, and there's nothing more important than an awesome legacy (see: Steve Irwin). Nobody's gonna remember that you're black, but a government-approved nap? That's what I voted for.