Forget-Me-Do

My office has a dodgeball team this spring, which is a good thing, but I needed to sign a waiver on some website to clear me of legal crap.

I go to the website of the organizer, ZogSports, to e-sign said waiver, but I need a password to access my account. I obviously don't know what mine is and I end up wasting 20 minutes of my life trying to erase, create and verify a new password to check off on this waiver.

The only saving grace of this affair is discovering what Zog really means. Other than that, why in God's name am I wasting my time with this password?

Internet passwords are the top evil to have arisen in the computer age. I may have spent more time trying to get the right password to my online bank account than actually using my online bank account.

secret codes: a timeless thorn in the side of mankind

It's all a ruse, anyways. The only thing that dinky passwords protect you from are drunk roommates who hijack your Facebook profile, updating all your interests with a cavalcade of fart-related menagerie. If an actual hacker wants your info, no password's gonna stop them.

It appears that I foolishly forgot the unspoken maxim we all follow to evade this modern-day menace: use the same one/two passwords for all of your online accounts! "Chicken" may not be hack-proof, but it is Alzheimer's-proof, and that's all I ask in accessing my email/brokerage account/subscription to Bang Bus.

An online program I use at work requires me to update my password every 45 days. Here are the cryptic codes I've used, in this order:
- password
- gassword
- assword
- ssword
- sword
- word
- entryword
- enterword
- gettinginword

Wasn't the future supposed to be about retinal scanners and voice recognition software? Nowhere in Blade Runner did Harrison Ford lament his inability to update a Twitter feed because he mistook the correct password for the one on his ancient Geocities account. Obama needs to get on this.